Today, officially, 4 of my modules has ended

- Speech Trainning
- Field Practicum
- Written Communication
- Sports and Wellness

i'm suppose to leap with joy, gleam with satisfaction, and roll with relaxation but while i do that, that tingy feeling always grumble and pull at my heartstrings.. it doesn't feel like its the proper way to end... its like every other day lesson, 15 weeks seem too easy to end it, it seem that there isn't anything beneathe all those days..

I miss the children in my childcare, knowing that i won't be seeing them perhaps never again or at best 2 months later...will they remember me? or will i have to restart and reach out to them once again even when i knew them so well.. its like having your closest ones having memory lost, you know them yet you can not know them...

I miss the little jokes in STB, ms chong's cheerily chirping up n down, with her so well controlled expressions and vocals to improvise...the friendliness of the class, the small little joys we have...the chance to express through small little innounciation..

I miss the days where ms fiona smile at my groggy face, dozing off at her lesson, yet she just smiles and just ask me if i understood..and also her smiley face when we leave and enter the classroom, early or late..

I miss the days where we all play soccer and complain about the warm ups, with our victory cheers and chattery behaviour when simply goofing around, doing the stupidiest thing..

i suppose not only us but lecturers have it hard, they can't get too attached to us regardlessly, they have to live through each class each semester, one by one, getting to know everyone and then letting everyone go with only vague memory rusted with time..


within 2 and a half more years, T02 will break up, it will disperse, yes we might say we'll keep in touch but honestly for how long, yes some might be still around but it wouldn't be the same, we know yet we lie, we experience it.. i remember the sour taste when i was 12 going 13, i was elated for a day about the long break, but.. honestly up till now, no one from my primary school stayed.. i remember the angst i felt about 10months ago, where we all walked our seperate path, promising to keep it together, but no more than 3 days, a clear distinct lie was presented.. a enormous chain of class unity has broke and fell into small tiny circles that is so disfigured and no longer the same...at least those we have stayed, stayed..but we can feel the difference couldn't we. can't we?
and quickly the page will turn with the a sand through the eye, with a rub and everything will change, tears will slowly roll and the lonliness will fade in again..and nothing i do is going to change it..


I don't know why i wrote all these.. i just felt this sudden crashing weight, this burden, from my uplifting mood with shengyao at seoul garden and walking around ION, with the happiness of finally buying the book KoKology i've been eyeing, but it somehow all crumbled underneath me... i feel a misfortune, a misharp, an intensity gloomingly hovering towards me, something i would unravel... i've got a hunch of what is it, i just don't want to assume yet....the 4th person is coming, is he?



Would You Remember?
Would You remember?
Would you remember?
would you remember?
no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no,no, i know..its a no