I'm not exactly in the "good mood" these days, and now to add on just because of a moment of greed, i downed one stick of wonton at the pasar malam... and what do i get? A full body of rashes, disgusting rashes, mutated me to be a monster...

And sometimes some asses can be so impervious and just do things without considering other's feelings, yea gloating would give you real joy, go be a goat...

The Ignoring game? If I had a nickle for everytime it happens....
I'm just no good.. I know, i'm not a great person, I failed miserably in trying
People just doesn't like to give me the chance..

Blur
I'm already tired of laughing like you're not on my mind..

Sometimes, I just wished you wouldn't get me all blurred up
Having delusions, illusions, confusions has been part of knowing you
leading me on and tossing me aside.. giving me dreams and crashing my hope
You're like a wind, come and go.. I'm also like a wind, persistently pushing
Maybe all you had to do was to break my heart...

Everytime I got so psyched up about going
Everytime I got so certain I was leaving
Everytime I got so confident of deceiving
Everytime I got so hardened to disappear
Everytime I got so focused on ignoring
Just a single appearence, word, sentence, question, greeting would crush me, melt me, make me drop back to the start..

It took me everything and all my focus to stay away, but you always had to distract me...
Then i get so messed up, so blurred up, so disrupted..

I'm probably just so screwed up, I just have no perserverence..

I text, I call, I write, I say, I type but you behave like I didn't... Was it because you didn't get it or was it because you chose not to get it.

I tried, I really Tried, the stupid things might be the things you call it, the small little insignificant things i do you might name it, the lousy wooing technique you might mention it.. I did it all, Everything that i thought you might like, i did it, i tried to make it happen.. You didn't have to love it all, you didn't have to return any of it.. All i wanted was alittle of your attention, abit of your appreciation, atad of your memory..But i couldn't see any signs of it.

Give me a sign?

- If you want me to stop, tell me that i could ( I could just be your friend )
- If you want me to carry on, tell me that i should ( I should be able to win you over )
- If you want me to wait, tell me that i might ( I might just wait till you say stop )


Honestly, i'm no longer clear on who am i directing this to.. I'm just empty inside perhaps..
I'm turning into a jerk like i was, thats how my distraught has damanged me..

I just wanna know, i'm already splitting inside

Well you just got it, within a week to somehow make me crumble..
a affirmed resolution fell to your unnamed paragraph of words and a single request..
I'm not confident of how we'll do... but i'm so tempted to try..

Always having the ability to leave me stranded, no idea where to go or how to go
I'm always stuck.. Because i'm not easy to please? or was it because i wanted too much?
i said i would forget, i said i would leave, i said so, but i'm falling back because it took too much out of me..Save me?

If you were refering to me.. you're wrong, i'm just tired of always chasing and never finding.. but you're prolly not since, you've been shunning me, disappeared.

Nahs i'm not gonna blog about europe, its too much and i'll never remember the exact things, the photos are proof and you could find them on facebook...My camera only took the scenic shots though..

A Simple Like

Repeatedly till its countless
i heard it all, and fought it off
unable and never to escape this curse
a cure for it never been solve

I lay awake in the pool of memories
pounding against the inner of my chest
where pain begun and started to feast
a symptom you'll never guess

Clutched to my head
the pair of solemn hands
the tears mixed in sweat lined in a bead
struggling to forget in the time of sands

Years went by being named stupid
not to deny, a synonym of a truth
who to blame but the stained self cupid
ran so far and disappeared without proof

Familiarity of you were the ruins left
as every pieces seemed to link without flaw
perhaps i missed with the remains too heft
but i slowly lost what i used to saw

I calmed the fevorish fever
with years it painstakingly took
looked across what i defined never
found a glimmer of heaven with that look

Along with the spins of the hands
I slowly forget what i held so tight
with a miracle the hole begun to mend
mocking the decending stairs in height

How could one so perfect be allowed to live
never had i seen someone so ideal
everything i had, i could give
yet all i had was all you would kill

A facade I paraded to hide the shattered
planned a scheme to make it work out
inside i knew was a lie for me it catered
i never understood in the end whats it about

It became abandoned and uncharted
the places that had your names written all over
my eyes scan and everywhere it darted
with you i was drunk and now i'm sober

I left the carnival exhausted
we played too much on the carousle
dizzied with question i fostered
and with a heart slightly wish to fold

A normalty you have became
like with glue, its too attached
not too different and pretty much the same
you threw nothing but the balls i catched

Love was too strong of a word to use
like was an understatment to express
for you i fell head over heels
but in the finale it fell less

Morning call you would call it
a wake up you didn't expect
it tangles up the inside with a hit
turning the brain to a wreck

Filled with denial, it rejects the thought
yet with tiredness, it welcomed the new
unsure to the fact of what you firstly sought
wondering with a needle with a stich it sew

Time to close a chapter i demanded
end it all to begin a new fairytale
but with a history, how was i to handled
there wasn't any hearts up for sale

Densed as i lost my sense
led to believe without a clue
an attack i hardly survived without defense
there wasn't anyone else but i asked who

Illusions of you on my back
now i wanted to let go to take a rest
but always a way you abled to track
in me a scar, a tattoo with you crested

There was so much more i could go on
how was i ever to end then
so i leave it for me to wonder upon
how to fix this enormous dent

Along another come just in time
too perfect for the world of reality
the blurred vision started to chime
i wavered at the loyalty

The tip of the rope i was at
required more strength then i could muster
dragged along in the tracks i let
additional pieces added on to the cluster

Helpless without hopes i stay
pondering whenever i had my mind
was i to stay or to fray
i wished again to give me a sign behind

Burried in the misery i curled up
confused with so many ways to go
resembled an overflown cup
without a handle to be hold

Eyes awake i stare
with no conclusions i came out with
perhaps no longer should i care
alone by myself i could live

Maybe by myself i could
Maybe by myself i should
Maybe by myself i would
Maybe by myself i suit


I'm tired


It takes every focus of mine to pry you away
drained every inch of my soul
till you take a step i shall stay
yet take too long, i might go...

Yea i'm back in one piece..