Silently

We know but we don't say
its there yet we ignore
the distance has fray
but in dreams we adore

Obvious yet not to choose
Oblivious made to use
All outside would have seen
but in lies we chose to have been

We gave reasons in the start
To fill in the rights to it all
Perfectly crafted as an art
in truth a tale of tall

Prettier as it covers up
The more with our hands try to cup
Repeatedly as it is made
The more of a facade

Pages of dates flip and turned
Old with age we start to be
The lies we start burned
Blindness wear off and reality shows me

A joke i could have sworn to
An empty feeling we do
It was nothing like what we said
But just prolonged misery we paid

Cradle in me you did
I was a shelter but one
when there was a reason you hid
after its gone you're done

I'm sorry of how it changed
but so help me if i'm deranged
I'm over with the pretence
I'm sorry but i need some defense

A tool which requires no maintenance
Would be bound to break
A limit would take its stance
As no longer it stays its peak

Memory Archive

I had another one of the weird epic dreams that i usually had. I was playing basketball around school area, and apparently I saw someone was in immerse pain due to his ankle sprain when I was rushing to the toilet, I was begged to get some help from the office, I then started to run towards the office ignoring my urges to go to toilet. When i was on the way there, when i saw familiar faces, and its snsd, and of course i walked up to Sunny. I greeted her in korean, she was really nice and had a hair cut. I asked for a picture before i left but as i tried to press the camera button on my iphone but my hand trembled so much from shyness, i kept fumbling over the touches, pressing wrong buttons. She was so nice that she sat beside me on a bench, she waited for a very long time until she had to leave, for some reason, she was able to speak chinese to me, she told me that she had to go and rather than a photo maybe she could give me a momento instead. I agreed, she told me "I believe in you" and gave me a hi 5, pushing to my heart, gave me a smile and left.. Its a great dream.

Relapse

There was a problem in the process of getting over old broken pieces. Fear of getting yourself cut in the process always held you back in moving across, you strut your legs out but then retrieve it after the possibilities strikes your mind. There would be moments when you take a few steps, but you get yourself cut on those shimmering sullen blades, so you stay there to treat yourself or you jump right back to the start. After multiple attempts, pain, consideration, obligations, contemplation, acknowledgement. You finally stride over with your eyes close as you take the plunge through, for the brighter other side regardless of all the roller coaster tracks awaiting. You reached the end, you crossed every last piece of impurities, however, you find yourself too much in pain to walk any further, so you rest yourself at the tip of the end, regardless of the danger that you might be dragged back, a relapse back.

One of the requirement to finally get over a relationship would be to determine the other party to be as the "bad" person, regardless of whatever the condition, he/she would have to be the bad person, you have to start pointing your fingers at that person stating your regrets and his/her flaws. To get over someone, you have to stop convincing yourself, you have to start thinking about everything else except anything related to that person. But in the end, regardless of how far you get in the process, why does it have to be so vulnerable to relapses.

I got so close, I was doing everything right, I did everything I could, I forgot, I stopped, I restrained, I complained, I abused, I yelled, I accused but in the end, it was always the most insignificant things happening that dragged me back across everything, your single willingness to talk to me could crush me back. But no i don't want you to be the better of us two, i don't want you to be the good person in my eyes. i can't afford that again.