The Delusions
Its like a gamble, to win it you bet on to lose it all. You could pretend that you could have it all, to claim your stakes but with a single blink of time, you suddenly lose it all, release whatever that you staked and along with the hopes you harboured. With experience you explored, you come to fear of placing your bets, a phobia of losing everything once again, you delude yourself and discovered the reality in the end, breaking you down all over.

Perhaps its the same for everything else, to not begin comes without an end..

Maybe its an explanation of how i've come to be, a brick wall built brick by brick to surround in the purpose of to hide and to outcast, superficial it expose but innately an uncountable reasons that left unaware of. Its hard to end, and difficult to start, so by forsaking a start, you avoid the end.

Today, someone asked me, why you were absent. I said i had no idea, and asked why i should i have any more knowledge of that as compared to her which you see everday. She said because i lived close to each other.. but i believed that wasn't what she wanted to say. I think that she meant that i'm closer in relationship with you, In reference to that i replied i lived a very far distance away from you. Just didn't make any sense of how close we tend to be but we are never that close... I had to say that because i don't want to spend a one sided claim that you wouldn't agree of