A Cycle




So it goes like this,



1. You were perfectly fine in your life, you have a square instead of the regular triangle, its easy to balance, you got your life filled with friends and family.. you have fun, naively and innocent you survive without much that induce mental, spiritual pain and suffering. You smile and think of ways to play about some more and how bad is your school.

2. You get introduce to the term love instead of like in the beginning, you see it in others and on the television before you begin wondering how its like and how does it go about, you're curious and unaware of how big the term love is, you start to notice people of the opposite sex, mainly those who you find attractive at that point of life.. This time, you still enjoy your innocent fun, teasing people for their attention, never even regard the thought of getting together, its the point where you see and thats all that is to it.. The slight touch of uncomfortable kicks in with the want to see how u and that girl you pick gets together, yet you never do.

3. You watch everyone around you get together, all the lovely dovey of premature level with the unclear meaning of that so big term yet commonly used word called "love". Your hormones kick in by this time and gets envious of others, these 2 factors develop your urge to have a relationship, you talk about it shyly and sometimes deny it infront of the girl, sometime later after carrying out the teasing that you've learnt to gain attention before you actually confessed in an unromantic way, hoping that a jackass like yourself can be like the others but you phrase it as "i love you". Well chances are rare that you actually do, you learn by then reciprocation isn't something that comes by easily and though you fight for that chance as taught by your friends, you fought on to find that there isn't any result. Your sadness and mind starts to take over a tiny part of you as you brainwash yourself that you really like that person and the negativity takes over as well. But at this stage, friends and family is pretty much all of it, fun was the element you're still searching for.

4. You probably fall deeply mesmerized by the period of time unless you're a major deushbag that is the center of attraction and have no lack of people that admires you, your heart tends to virtually feel the strings being pulled with every action, but the childish ways of yours still never change, you carry on the annoying process of wooing, thinking that you do everything possible for that person, you get all extravagant with your approaches and unafraid to voice out your feelings to your friends but a confession is still hard to come so you try to express it through actions and carefully wind up words to get a try which probably never works, your mind get all desperacy and find methods to unwind, your complains of negativity full envelops you and also bitter lies you made for yourself unknowingly but it brainwashes you even though it wasn't real, in the end it became real, you figured out that you actually kinda "love" this very person, no you have not learnt about the word which is overwhelming. Your experiences built up from here, you collect every memory you got of the person, and inevitable try to be that person as in, liking everything that person likes just to create a person that might actually be attractive and kinda of the same type with that person as a desperacy to get together. And no, you still unable to successfully be with that person, you learn this and begin wallow in your own pity, trying to act all heroish and say that you tried and you can't forget about that person you liked a few weeks ago. you tend to try then give up. Yes sadness by this time has overwhelmed a large part of you already..

5. You find yourself wallowing in depression and self pity by this stage, your life becomes a mess and claimed that dying is a better place to be at after these years of devotion and faithfulness that was never asked for. Tears probably usually consumes you even though you've learnt to put on the false front you got but never really got the technique right, you appear all emotional and depressed, yes you're able to enjoy with some great moments of fun but during that duration or any point of time you relate everything to the experience you've gathered that time with that very special person, no you can't forget about this person's existence and you could only wield up on your bed with your hands wrapped around your knee wallowing in that self pityance you want, telling yourself that you'll never get a chance and what so ever truth but yes the negativity consumes you entirely with depression as a normality, all your life becomes that person, it doesn't go away and it lingers there with pain as your forte and as your means to survival.




6. You finally figured out that you can't go on forever like this, it wasn't acceptable and it wasn't a life thats liveable, so you pick yourself up from the muddy ground and try to start anew, you clench your teeth and try to bring back what u had but no, you smiles return and you start to live again, not the same live u had but one with more maturity from the experience you've gathered, you begin to take things easier from the downfall, learning that nothing is that easy and you just have to deal with it, so with a new life you start.. You find someone else that interest you to approach, as an attempt to forget and to make your newly acclaimed life fruitful, your methods are much more mature for you show better concern, does things that helps her without her knowing, an adult way to express your like, no longer love for it was too strong of a word now, as you love, you break harder, besides its too far early to say it.. So here you are, trying to get over her with a new relationship, wanting a shot now for you realize that first person who you're still insane over didn't have a chance of success, so here you are with you life again with constant smiles and yet constant frowns of the past..




7. Unfortunately i'm only in stage 6, lets hope step 7 is something like happily ever..

Perhaps all i ever wanted was an easy way to get over you..