My Best Defence
Today, i said it out, subconsciously, it was you.. I didn't go on.. but i mentioned your name, for so long, i've flinched from the sound of your name, it was like a haunting, regardless of what i do or what i see, it always went back to you.

So your name finally slipped out of my breathe i thought i've strangled to, i thought it'll all better if i stop mentioning your name that very one day. Then that day not too far away i believed i should stop stalking to see how were you.. I already knew it'll happen but i never expect it to be so unexpected even though i've already expected it...

So it went like a suffocation, i lived in denial to your name, to the fact that i'm still feeling so strongly for you.. It went by so hard, but i knew i couldn't carry on.. I can't stay this way..
But what could i do, today i accidently said it out, though i did not elaborate, i feel shattered enough, that tension in my chest i worked so hard to remove just slammed back all at once..

Perhaps Denial was my Best Defense..
or Maybe Denial was my Last Defence..

While watching "how i met your mother" i recalled..
I've said I "loved" you 4.5 years ago, and after 4.5 years later, i find that it hadn't change..Eileen
I tried.. really i tried to pluck every strain away, but it sticks like glue and couldn't be removed..

I can't ask for a chance because you wouldn't give me one.. I don't want to break like i did again..