Day We Claim

And today is suppose to be my day. Today is a date they claim its my birthday. Today is a time where i'm suppose to be special and itself is suppose to be unique. Today is finally when i'll be legalized

For so long, i've understood the meaning of how hollow it actually is.. But why this is the first year i don't believe.. But i always believed, that somehow, it'll always be one hella smooth day, that somehow, it'll always be the perfect date for rising my hopes.. But that never comes.. Heck, just let it be special for once.. But it never is and never does..

I make wishes each year.. earnestly, sincerely, honestly, hopefully.. It wasn't because i was just entitled to, It wasn't because i had candles to, It wasn't because i had been egged on. But it is when I manage to delude myself everytime, yes maybe this year is different, maybe it'll finally happen, maybe this year would start being better, just maybe.. The wishes are always the same, however the hardest to be granted. The wishes are always literal, however the hardest to gauge. Happy.. Just that.. Acknowledge.. Just that.. Better.. Just that..

I know inside, i know that nothing is actually special today, I know its just the date that i'm born, I know its just a normality, I know its just a day, Just a day that is claimed to be mine.

This day won't bring you back..This day won't bring you what you want.. This day won't bring you what you need.. This day won't bring you any change.. This day won't bring you anywhere.. This day won't bring you any help... This day won't bring you any more.. Its just a day..

Its like how Pamela says.. Birthday are somehow for people like me lonely.. Empty if i might add..

This year i tried something.. I tried to ignore it.. but i realized no one else would.. I tried to jump it over.. But i realized some wouldn't.. I tried to stop it.. but i realized i couldn't.. I tried to bluff my way through.. But i realized i'm already..

I set my birthdate on Facebook a day earlier, it wasn't because for the fun and kick like i said.. honestly it was to give myself a chance, somehow i thought 2 days would give my more chance to talk to her.. her. .. So it didn't for the first day, yet i guessed i expected just as much.. But the second, it did, i stunned with exhilaritions, took me ages to just type the unflawed sentence to continue it but i guess the elatedness was shortlived and misery lives at the end of it like always.. I hate this.. Ihatethis..IHATETHIS.. I don't know are you still in my chest and head due to the momentum of the past or due to the attraction you kept up..I never knew..but I could not stop either..Damn..I still bloody well like you.. I still bloody heck get jealous.. I still bloody damned get pissed..I still bloody hell get upset..I screwed things up like always.

All i wanted was that shred of care for me from you