Empty
And somehow i'm not surprised anymore, every time i let down things, making a decision to perish with every ideals i had alternatively preset in the beginning, you'll appear in some coincidental dream of mine. This dreams appears to be my conscience and positivity that has seem to faded behind the habits of the greyed and smoked. Its always going to have something going on for me with you but like how it is, it exists only as a memoir from the dream.

Perhaps, it was really wrong to have went this path in the beginning and went that far out, missing all the exits split paths, and now i'm bound on this road straight down with no other way around it.. Its so far away, and i've been far away for far too long, because all i ever notice becomes how much empty spaces there seems to be around me, everything seems to have emptiness surrounding them, its so persistent and hesitant that its hard not to notice even for a second.
So by somehow, in this dream, you asked if i was in any relationship, i boldly told you no, because i was waiting for you all along, and you smiled... It was really regretful how i woke up before i could hear your reply to my question if you would give me a try after so long.. I so badly need to move on, but you're still somehow always infront

Signs
Wouldn't things be so much simpler with signs that caution us before we take a nose dive down anything that would end up as nothing near to great. It might divulge and remove that spice of it but at least we wouldn't feel the sting when we bitterly slam into the cold hard floor that was beyond all the false layers of realistic paper carpets. At least even we plunge into it, there was some restriction of how much we allow to be consumed and how much we reserved to revive ourselves.

And now as we grow up, each seemingly festive or major events that happen only once a year becomes another day that happens once a year, theres no more excitement to confine in, theres no more sudden adrenaline to make you stay up all night, theres no more texting of wishes, it becomes just another day, an ordinary day that you staged your enthusiasm and act out charades for others to see.

When we were young, there were warnings to be heard of all these happenings but there wasn't any signs to show it, we were young, innocent, naive, stupid, dumb and we wished to grow up and promised to never regret that. and now we are old, weary, tired, exhausted, despondent and all we hoped for was to return to the days where we complain about how we aren't getting old. Its a vicious cycle, a pyramid of misery, a chain of depressions.. If only, when we were young, our ambition was to be a child, then maybe then, we wouldn't have to grow up so fast, we wouldn't have to die inside so quickly.

It isn't right, when we were young, we were happy but we wished for something that would eventually come.
when we are old, we are broken yet what we wish for is something that couldn't be brought to be.
Losing you is like losing myself.. I can't, but i have..

Uncanny Sight
Doesn't how it seems weirdly horrifying that you might somehow be alone, walking as a single without a happy thought of someone else, without anyone that you might be able to talk to while you're feeling so crushingly flat while dragging your feet to your destination which you never seem to make it through wishing that you were in a different situation. Its time like this you start to suspect your own abilities and character which apparently is failing its job.

It was just a chance an opportunity that you see seemingly how everyone had theirs but it seems like the cupid had turned stupid and left you out. It wasn't fair. You gave all your soul and sold promises and exchanges for a return redemption that you never received. Was it alright for it to continue being this way, knowing how you'll soon to raise both hands in defeat? Was it really alright for you to stay denial of the rotted hope you've been clinging on for so long? Was it really alright for you to fight on searching and taking chances that leave you battered behind?

And what if this thing they called love so easily never really ceased to exist? Its almost assured how it might turn into a negativity breaking solution.
Its a complete recipe for disaster. It adds on a hopeful heart, alot of mental strength, selective amount of cash, most of your friends and probably a few buckets of well unspent time. And for the preparation, just crushed everything up and mix them all together with some unwilling tears and pain before pouring them into a garbage bag before serving.

I don't know about it anymore, its probably cynical and like typical of my age perhaps but what was the point of all these, Yes, i really want and maybe need another half of mine to fill in for everything i would really want to do for her. But after these years of being beat down after and after, i don't know if i can believe in this so called love anymore, i'm convinced of its non-existence and i'm just assured how things won't even work out. Its negative but after all these years of trying and never even reach a glimpse of it, its just too much, its too over the top, i've been saying i'm tired of it, i've been holding it back, brushing it off like it doesn't matter like everyone else but honestly what else is there left to see when i've got nothing else to give. I really have nothing more. I'm just an agonised deranged remains of the past. I'm sorry, i can't believe anymore.
Even the non-believers get burnt.. I was at the exact location, looking at the exact tree, being at the exact time, staying with the exact people, being on the exact date but only 5 years after. We were both young, so young that we both made mistakes, you thought you liked me or perhaps you wanted to hook me. And i made the mistake of not hooking you and hold you tight or perhaps saying no and never started this. Its too different now, I can't forget you... I fight to be in a relationship so much so i'll have the chance to kick you off my mind because its been 5 years and no, you still reside there. But you will never take me now.

Romance

Romance is something that everyone might take a really large part of their life searching for, but the question has always remained at why do we even search?

We give away so much for this relation hoping to gain a mutual development, but like a shares margin, the risk is high, way high. You could give this much and either gain that much or you could give this much and yet lose more than you ever chose to give.

Its really incomprehendable how when you begin to grow up, something inside just propels you to feel that having a relationship seems to be so essential, so much so that, everyone that hasn't found theirs yet slowly gets driven into depression regardless of their regards.

Theres so many reasons you could give for an explanation to that urge of being with that special one you've been eyeing for awhile now, that you've been putting the moves on but in the end, you find all the reasons invalid because theres always another alternative choice that you know but never seem to understand nor admit.

So in the end, is a relationship worth that much? Then which kind of relationship is worth it then. I, myself believe in trying out as many relationships as you're able to and just experience the differences in each, this way, you gain that much understanding of what are the things that are really important to you, you level up in the process as you learn how to manage it better with each passing one..

I know i really am a flirt, an easy target to be hooked. I met this girl today, and i'm already considering if i should try my luck with her, shes nice, shes pretty, shes laidback and shes probably over my league like everyone else.. I know theres 3 other that i think about with all honesty, but all i know is i'm pretty desperate for a relationship, the main reason being how i believe in experiencing relationship and yet i've seen and tried to help so many with none for myself.

And the truth behind it seems to be that in the end i'm still stuck at point one, unable to release myself from the hook i've moved in too deep to run. I need someone to overpower the hook and take me over, thats why i'm searching and trying pretty hard. But in the end I know, the results won't be any different any of the time. I'll fail and just stay as a single hopeless romance with myself

Friendship


I realized alot of things today, alot of things friendship can be.



Friendship is like highways, you can take the road yet you can't stop, there are exits along the way, yet if you're sure of your destination, you should go through it all the way.



Friendship is like traffic lights, its green and happy, it changes ember for awhile when you know things are amiss and it changes to red when you face them before it changes back to green again.



Friendship is like phone numbers, when you use them everyday, you remember it, once you remember it, you can hardly forget it, until you never use that number again, then you forget.



Friendship is like a cone, its hollow and with a small surface area at the top but its okay because the base of it is safe enough to support.



Friendship is like the sky, its bright and warm in the day like when you're together, when it turns night, its not as bright but its still always there waiting



Friendship is like a plant, if you plant it, you start to harvest it and when you're done, you either cut it off and end it or you take it and replant it.



Friendship is like clothes, theres so many ways of wearing it and taking it off, but you always have your favourite ways.



Friendship is like cameras, you could take as many photos as you want but without any constant uploading and charging, it doesn't have a use.


Friendship is like rainbows, there are so many boldly stood in front but the most beautiful one is still the one thats vague but still existent behind


Friendship is like love, but without the romantic intentions and without the obsession

Deciding Uncertainty
Some roads you see are bright and most of it paints out right before your vision, its a clear cut path with dusted concrete and all that is left is some footstep to be left on the smooth straight tiles.

Some roads are much different, you see it all cluttered, untamed, deserted, abandoned, dark, intimidating, its usually so deep in and so curvy that you can't tell how the course of road would lead.

Its usually so much easy to take the path which walks straight into things that you can expect things from, but no, you hardly ever take that path down because you're curious and so ever confident in the beginning, you take that godforsakened road thinking you'll make it out alive, thinking you'll conquer it regardless of its hazard.

It usually starts out okay even while taking some chances with the forked roads. Some people chose the right path and it leads them right out into an oasis of paradise, they got everything right but most people undermined this and takes the wrong one, and with each wrong turn, it brings you so much deeper into darker forest, all soon just to lose all the positivity they once had, it messes with your mind and take the liberty to screw with ever chance it gets.

To some point, you sit down with knees to your chest wondering whatever made you decide on this, and sometimes you'll wonder if you'll ever get out like how you see so many other does, you keep convincing that your luck wouldn't be that rotten to keep heading the wrong way but in the end, your path never stop being the mistakened one.
So in the end, what would you do?
What would you be?
For 6 weeks, i've knowingly and manipulating myself to avoid even pressing on your page or read whatever of you on my news feed, i got some bottom notch distraction that pulled some smiles back to me but tonight some nut of my brain asked me to just look back once more to convince that i'll finally be heading off now.. And the rest you could guess. No, i didn't even have to read your status, i didn't even have to stare at your photos, i realized the moment i clicked on your name, everything flowed back once again.. No floodgates i know of would be strong enough from stopping you, and boy do i hope to now, i can't forever get tsunamied back..