Met

First a step, but second to freeze
cross my heart which you start to seize
Unclear of the my obvious fact
or just playing dumb to take steps back

We met with a fall with memories fell
but i didn't predict a predicament
with a suffocating feeling i lived to tell
for it has came and went with the commitment

A few days of intimacy which lasted through
unknowing of the coldness that laid beyond
yet smitten by you a love concoction brew
laid down and dreamt about you who i grew fond

For a sake i believed unsure
a confusion i seeked to pure
For it to disappear or to start anew
a continuous heartwrenching feel

Till today it remained a question
with all but a common fashion
made tales fabricated to cushion
but truth and false came to a fusion
till today it remained a confusion

your sole existence proved substantial
like butterflies i begun to flutter
with all my beliefs of our potential
which ended melting like butter

Misery was an indifferent emotion
as slowly i lost your quotients
little of how i had you in reality
even less of you in virtuality

They said love was a blind
never once i believed that myth
all the factors aside i heave
yet it closes without your find

I never told you due to uncertainty
terrified of how we might finish
afraid to tell was it real
But what if i left and didn't say
What if i left and you would never know

I still can't comprehend, I can't forget her and I can't forgo you
I can't go after either, for it'll only end up in messes, but i've become a mess

I'll leave you to decode this while i leave for Europe for about a month.. I've still haunted by a bad hunch that i developed months ago, i don't know how it'll end up, but thank you everyone for the wishes.. I'll be back in a month, and you'll have to bear with me again =D

~See You Soon~

A Friday Night

If only you'll leave the door slightly ajar for me

The perhaps I wouldn't be melting and bitten off that much

Caught 2 movies..

1: Book of Eli - wasn't that great as expected, but i suppose if it wasn't all about a bible, it might be better off.. 1.5/5

2: Alice In Wonderland - Couldn't catch it in 3d which would make it much much better, so would sitting in some row that isn't the 2nd row.. Pretty interesting for someone who have no knowledge of the details in the story 2.5/5

Last Train-ed to Joel's House, had a pretty great time, learned a new game that would definitely prove to be useful..

I didn't know why, but somehow, you were in my mind pretty much the whole day today..

=D

Reassembling The Pieces

You never noticed but I was always there, looking from a distance, ready to shield you if you ever needed..
You never understood but I was always there, waiting by the phone, ready to entertain you if you ever needed..
You never saw but I was always there, making everything right, ready to make you smile if you ever needed..
You never felt but I was always there, being at your side, ready to love you if you ever needed..
But did you ever know how suffocating it is, to always be there while you keep fading away, to watch me fail again and again even when i didn't make any mistakes..

I'm feeling this way, when i'm still stuck halfway in the past... I'm certain, I just need your extra pull.
There doesn't mean that there isn't tears behind my smiles..its because my tears I was able to smile
I know it won't work out..I know we can't..I know we're far too different..I know you have someone else

Charles and Keith Warehouse Sales..

It was a pretty great experience there, awesome people, epic situations and uncanny bitchings..

Well its a bittersweet departure...

The ride seems longer without you
You didn't seem too happy with me, It almost seems like i'm nothing to you, but then why do you think of me at times, when you no longer reply, I'm just can't be the one.. Right?
I always plan what to do, what to say, but always thrown to an abyss of blanks when you stand before me, then i'll regret and wish i had a time machine, I just can't do the right thing.. Right?
I tried to always make it right, closest to perfection, forming it to be flawless, but it always ended up so damanged, with so much accumulated regrets, I just can't make you turn your head.. Right?
We always tried to talk, but then we'll find out that we have nothing to, then we'll usually come out with an excuse or just leave without any sound or movement, we disappear in the midst and then we wouldn't appear till long after, I just don't intrigue you anymore..Right?
I'm questioning the fact of how easy you could carry on without my existence, you could just be how you are, how you were, how you would have been even without me you'll still be happy, without me, you'll still have it all right, so perhaps,even if i disappear, you might not notice, I' just can't be more than anjust n extra.. Right?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AMANDA!!

Today was a failure, I planned, I made, I rushed, I forced, I plead, I panic, I wanted it to turn out flawlessly, but Today wasn't a fairytale, but a failure...

It was suppose to turn out just nice, me being there, you turning up soon, I'll get you things, we'll laugh and i was gonna steal your first hug

I got it all pieced out, all except your only piece that you didn't give... So tomorrow, couldn't it be better and let me have it my way??

I may be stupid and requited, but at least, let me have a chance to be all that..
Its my feelings, bundled together in it, please understand..

I've been pondering while staring at this page for a few days already, wondering what could i blog without any feeling of boredom or dreadfulness..
.
.
Okay heres the update, i've started working already at Charles and Keith, the packing job isn't really hard but just that its never ending + the visible Mount Everest pile of work just makes it pretty terrible, i'm pretty hungry and drained when i reach home thus the reluctancy to blog, the only thing that made work better was the random crappings and lamenting with collegues
.
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Today i was released at 2pm in order to gain some rest for tomorrow, but i suppose that it wasn't what they would wish for when i was practically out the whole day..
.
Was out with Trevor firstly to HighstreetCentre (Clarke Quay) to attempt to get my camera fixed but to their knowledge, they moved to Rivervalley,
.
so we took a bus there just to know that my camera wouldn't be worth fixing so i could only trade in and add some cash for a brand new camera..
.
After leaving the building with an excuse to reconsider, we headed down to bugis to Finally collect a present before heading to Illuma for dinner at a Japanese restaurant (BenTendo [nopes not the cartoon])
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Headed to Pennisula to search for TV's raglan to no avail of the correct size..
Then I end up infront of my com's birthday..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUVEE ZINT, you'll forever be my great lappy!!

I hope you'll love it just like how i wish you'll love me
I think i'll just be more likely to fall in love as you become more and more of my "type"...

Empty

Today, i felt like a transparent mirrored box.. The feeling was intense, and i couldn't form exact descriptions, empty would be the closest i could derive from.. Things seemed all so fragile, easy come and easier to go, nothing seemed that steady for me to get a grip on anymore, time didn't seem free at all, i'm insecured by the amount of plans i had done, i'm unsure if its the best alternative, its all planned and backing out isn't an option but then so why do i feel lost? Something uncomfortable is residing in my chest yet i can't put it into words or actions...What is it?? Empty?

Maybe its because i hadn't done what i wanted for a long time but only following trails that were already made, never got to, never had the chance, never asked, never answered, never responded and probably never reciprocated.

.

I kinda want to see hayley now when i finally can't

.

You don't have to read these, its just a weird dream that you won't understand..

.

I had this dream when everyone wasn't who they were..

I was driven in a car to school, yet i was allowed to keep the car, after things ended, i was forced to offer, no i wasn't even offering but everyone seemed to settle themselves into the car when i got there, i was standing outside before i got all of them out.. Then i got a text from E, saying she was coming to get a ride and i said ok, the driver seat was taken by a pri.school friend i reckon before i kicked her out, taking the seat beside A which started nagging at me fiercely, her words don't sound like any words but i could feel the fustration for some reason.. Awhile later E got in by the left back door, saying Hey~, then P and T came from the right back door to sit down, they didn't do much except for saying hi to E... After awhile, i recalled that i wasn't able to drive, i didn't know how yet everyone seemed to depend on me like i was the last transport available.. For some reason, we went to T's house, before i left, i told E to stay in the car, i'll be right back, she agreed and smiled back... Upon reaching T's house, we got lost in snacks for awhile before i started to ask T's parents if they were able to drive us using my car, with a negative answer, i sat back in the empty living room with the rest, for some reason, i was depressed and fustrated, feeling useless, T suddenly reminded me that his sis could drive, so we approached F, but she was study hard, too hard to accept my request, I then suddenly reminded of E, i ran back to where she was while trying to call her, the sky turned from amber orange to dark black while i saw E standing beside the car, she asked me why did i took so long and if we could go now, then i broke down apologizing, i had no means to, i didn't possess the ability to do so...

.maybe i really left a hole in where my heart was

These were the only details i could vision back in reference to my dreams...

was it telling me something? was it a reflection of something? did it cause today?

Valentine's Day and Percy Michael Jackson and the Lightning Thief

is

Nice

Love is like Hate, its both overrated and used too simply.
I hadn't use those words for a long time, and I don't know when can I..

-----------------------It blured up like how I did too..

I remember, the previous 4 years, this time would be my most flustered period, its already 2nd of march, i'm unready, unprepared, indecisive of what to do, its pretty much 3 days away and i haven't crack the brightest and best solution out of its shell, just a little something that i would do just for you at that point of time, just a little try to make you fall for me ever so slightly, just a little attempt to savage this disintegrating pieces of what we've left after the time you silently vanished away with a string of text strung together and a letter of rejection to a confession i didn't make..


By this time, i'll be thinking of all the possibilities that i could make that one day special for you, that one chance to actually prove something i would do for you.. Then i would come out with something i'm certain all your previous hadn't done so, and then i'll be vacuumed into my own personal fantasy world, replaying how the scenario would unfold and reveal itself... However, somewhere deep down in my heart and brain, i know its not possible, i know its not going to work, i know it isn't even going to miracle-ly happen, that explains and further elaborate by the summary of how i have to pass through others just to give you something filled with my affection then, i can't even catch any glimpse of you, you don't know it but i was always waiting while thinking of you, just sitting there blankly trying to wait for you even though i never knew if you were even going, but i was always there, always with hope and always gone with my head hung low..

That time, i think i did really got smitten that period of time, i think you were everywhere in my heart, now i think you're just everywhere in my head..

Now, i don't feel it anymore, that confusion and mind blowing task of thinking of what to do for you, just for you.. this time, in the end, i suppose that i could hand it to you in person finally, but it wouldn't be the same anymore.. Because if its not real, you won't see it in my eyes


Correction, i do think of something to do, something unique, but just not for you anymore, and i'm not doing it in the end, because i don't want her to run away just like you did..Even if i don't know, you're in my heart or are you in my head and neither if she is just an excuse or another heartbreaking incident...But either way, my life wouldn't have been the same without you, i'm really enthralled to have met you.. i'm just unsure if i'm ready to move on..

I'm still too unsure and insecured to go or to leave..

You or you? I'm far too clouded to carry on i think..
What happens when i'm interested in 2 girls that both would run away and disappear?

Pretty Packed This holidays seemed to be the busiest holiday i've had..

Accomplished
Feb 19th - Exam ended, went out to walk around ion
21st - Big Uncle's house for mahjong
22nd - Eat, Pool with heather,shareena,pamela
23rd - Class picnic at Botanical Gardens
24th - Steamboat with heather,shareena,pamela,tingfang,iris
25th - Swimming with trevor,joel..chompchomp with trevor,joel,richard
26th - 2nd Uncle's house for mahjong.. Stay over at joel's house with richard,trevor,joey
27th - Soccer..My house for mahjong
28th - Basketball with richard,trevor.. dinner at pizzahut with trevor,joel
March 1st - Gym with richard,trevor,joel.. Pool with trevor,joel

To Be Continued
2nd - Watch Percy jackson with joel,joey,trevor,yonghui
3rd - Badminton with pamela,heather,shareena,trevor,joel + perhaps a movie with shareena,heather,pamela
4th - Bugis with trevor to buy things, fill up forms, repair camera, collect things
5th - Gym with richard,trevor,joel.. receive notification if i'm hired.. Eileen's birthday
6th - Cousin's Party at Goodwood Hotel
7th - Paramore concert with Shareena and maybe Rachel Tan, Rafidah
8th - Might be working if accepted
9,10,11,12,13,14,15,16,17th - prolly working 7 of the days
23rd - To Europe

I guess its the most fruitful holiday i've had, and perhaps the shortest too..

I feel ShengYao, YanHua, Izzuddin, Anthony is MIA..so are you Amanda

You're always there like me, but just not for me, like how i am for you