Realization

Yea i've realized, there was a couple of things that came upon my realization in that little one month time length, perhaps, it never was that i didn't know, just things that i don't come to terms with yet, just in denial, at least i could lie and escape till the facts thrashes me headon..

I've become so much different, so much like someone i tried to avoid being, so much like the person i had been and never wanted to be. Was it because along with you it shed my walls of rejection or was it because i've become so tired that i no longer could uphold it..

I've find myself so empty and fake these days, i feel hollow, unable to rest, like a zombie literally, i know that my body is moving and my mind is thinking but i'm not really feeling it. Was it because i couldn't take things by its stride anymore or was it because that i've hanged on so long till i've been stripped of my feelings..

I've made my heart and mind so contradicting, i begin to become so aloof and haughty as in my mind, i'm slowly losing the perception of others. Was it because i just wanted to be right and correct after so long or was it because i no longer want to agree with others physically..

I've been self doubting lately, i want to know why do i feel so much less of a guy now, or at least a man that i've thought i could be. Was it because of everyone's collective pintpointing or was it because i realized i never did what others could..

I've lost my own rationale, i begin to judge everything and then fight against all of the judgement which just leave a trail of infinity behind. Was it because i'm sick and tired of being judged or was it because i never ever got to be a selfish judge.

I've missed out on whatever that i shouldn't have, i feel like i have no longer things to say, no longer comfort to provide, no longer patience to hold. Was it because i'm tired of speaking as i get springboarded every single time i started or was it because i've become so repetitive of listening to the same thing..

I've break myself into different pieces, its like i'm never sure of anything and i won't know anything of everything. Was it because i'm tired of being mentioned and never told or was it because my opinions never really mattered for so long..

I've confused myself in a million ways, i reconsider and revised it all, where was the line, where was i suppose to steer away, when was i suppose to step forward, when it was the truth, when was it the false, how much of things does it mean, how much of things it just literalize. Was it because i think far too much or was it because i do far too much..

I just want everything to be plain and simple, there wasn't a point in anything you do, yet there was so much hidden meaning behind it...

I just want to know what i want..

i just want to let it all out, but honestly there isn't a way to, honestly there isn't anyone to