Minor Changes.. Major Makeover??

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These pictures might seem vain to you even though it wasn't taken by me =S

Alrights, back to the point.. These are the photos of before and after hair after dyeing it, credits to miss Sibani..

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Call me paranoid, call me complicated, call me sensitive..

people tells me that i'm dateable/charming only after the makeover,

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doesn't that just mean that in me, resides a rotten personality with an absolute zero physical charm/attraction without the dyed hair, just a guy with no special or unique features to gain any single points from girls/ladies "grading list.."

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Perhaps i've thought too much of myself, maybe i hadn't had the "inner handsome" i once thought i possessed, i'm literally looking up to myself too much..

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i'm not too suprise actually, i'm just bewildered on how this little situation went this way, i'm not suppose to be better off after this, because after the apple reaches its core.. No, it wouldn't even reach the core before i got discarded and chucked off, don't lie to me, you wouldn't take a second look back and wonder if you should finished it first. But its okay, because i won't be in self denial, i'll understand which each and every toss, that i'm nowhere near of somewhere, just how i'm nothing close to something..

I did say that looks does matter afterall, didn't i?

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Its not going to change anything afterall.. So maybe theres really no point, especially when i see no chances. So were you lying?

You won't look at me after all that i do or all that i hadn't do.. right?

It was bowling yesterday and its mahjong once again today... firstly at cousin's house for "extended" CNY and now witnessing mahjong at Joel's house with him,trev,richard,joey...

Things that you hadn't done for such a long time has been entertaining like how we always allow the child to pop out everytime something from our past appears, i think afterall, CNY's best offer offered to me is the adult's screaming laughter while they play little gambles, while we the younger generation starts acting like adults..Ironic role reversal...

Applied 2 temp jobs..
1. Epicenter's flyer distribution at IT show
2. Charles & Keith packer/sales at warehouse sale..

get the last batch of cash this holis to supply for the europe trip...

Today i thought i saw you, i thought i've let you go, i believed so, i wanted so, i wished so, but then why do my chest felt the thumps and all the little observant eyes started to sense "your" movement, yet so afraid to confirm, so afraid to approach you, so afraid to text you.. Now i'm covered in cowardice and worries..Why did she have to look like you, why does my heart suddenly feel so guilty..Isn't it just a habit that i've grown so accustomed to, yet the toll came and now i'm always asking for more, seeking for something you would do for me in exchange..But then again, who was i kidding... I'm really unsure if i've forgotten you, i'm unsure if i've let you go, i'm bewildered if i've fallen for another, but i'm pretty affirmative that its really something i can't define but then i'm really not in the mood to think anymore..No decisions that i wanna make.. Closed eyes, pinched arm, teeth marked knuckles..

Nothing but an indecisive, inconsiderate, in deceptive jerk

Sometimes its really hard, and you'll never know


Today had Picnic at Botanic Gardens with classmates ( Pam, Heather, Shar, Rafidah, Hamidah, Rachael, Rachel, Hidayah, Jingyi, Iris, Ivy, Alicia )

Mostly Frisbee kept me bubbling and bobbing around, i think i sucked at it but i don't really care..

(pictures when being sent will be uploaded)

Happy birthday to Rachael =D

I really don't know if i do like you, or are you just an excuse i came up with to forget...I'm a jerk..

Today reminded me of that one time,
that morning i woke up at 4:30am, started to cut the side of the bread that you hated and refused to eat, carefully slicing it into 4 equal slices to the best of my ability, spreading different spreads of butter and sugar, cheese, tuna spread and wine jelly onto each slice, cautiously symmetrically turning it into a tiny little sandwich filled with goodies in between, throwing it into the oven to toast it slightly so it wouldn't be too crispy to turn hard over time and not too soft so it'll be soggy afterwards, after the loud ring, i carefully place it into a tupperware, finishing it with the lid of the air tight container so you'll feel the burning heart of mine. Got dressed and ran out steathily in order not to get caught by my parents which will lead to questionings, then jumping over fences to arrive early to turn my head and look at you decending from the stairs hurriedly in your school uniform... I arrived early, but you didn't came at all, i deceived myself that you were late and waited till it was 8am, before i hung my head down, depressed by the fact that you didn't turn up for a date that i didn't date.. Those sandwich tasted terribly bitter after i failed to throw them away.. I'm still insecured if i could throw my heart for you, or it'll end up bitterly like those sandwiches?



I can't promise you that I won't disappear
Like how you can't promise me..
But i wouldn't try to disappear
If you would try to make me appear

TeeOTwo
The Class Photo Compilation (New To Old)

Professional Development (PD)

Language Arts In The Early Childhood Years (LAECY)

Field Practicum (FP)

Creative Arts For Young Children (CAYC)

Written Communication (WritComm)

Speech Training Basic (STB)

Its already a year...

Much has changed and many hasn't...

I believe that i've faded off at least

I'm not as much there as I used to...

I really hoped that you were here, at least I could get closer

My teachers are hilarious...

Professional Development quiz question 4: What is group dynamics?

choice B) A group of people that uses dynamites for destructive purpose.


Child Development test question 6: ____ is verbal or physical behaviour intended to disturb someone less powerful.

choice A) Martial Arts Trainning

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So today is the last day of Year 1 in my poly... Honestly i feel some siansations from the upcoming boredomness, i just vision myself losing my social life for some reason as i face the confrontation of emptiness...

Went out with Shareena,Pamela,Iris,Alicia,Amanda to orchard, "313" mainly to settle down for a pretty good dinner at [F.I.S.H] by fish and co.
Before i get femalelized around the shops...

And now i'm home with no where to go..

Worst of all, i'm now almost certain that i couldn't see you anymore in the next 2 months.
no, she isn't my girlfriend, by asking, you're not making it better..
I'm just being indirectly rejected time and time. when everyone suspects that she is mine..

I asked if the Charm Crystal had taken its effect,
You told me after I dyed my hair..
Did you just blurted it out as you saw the change,
Or was I suppose to take your breath away that moment?



Love so bubblish, bobbing up and down
always lost despite being found
gone in a second and appear in two
blank stares with confusions it fool

Make it so surreal and so it faked
never knowing, only seeing
cropped off and that love forsake
changing after changed but never being

Moving to always stop
closed eyes to try take a breather
but always nothing makes it better
everytime it happens, my heart throbs

So much for the reason
as everytime it falsely forgiven
always charged with your heart's treason
before the tears starts to season.

Your words, My heaven. Your smiles, My god
I don't want time to move except for you and me...

The Fun With My New Beanie ~

The after beanie look

Brother's beanie look

Miss stick out tongue's look

Sulky Pam look

The nerdy look after removing beanie

Hearty The Raindeer Look =D

The cancer Shareena look

A million times that i try, the million times you reject...

you don't even try with me anymore..

I can't show you, I can't tell you..

Because if i do, i can't help you..

Hes all over your eyes

yet i'm at the back, ready for you..

I don't wanna encourage you..

Because if i do, you'll go further..

Hes all you'll ever want

yet i'm willing to be all you'll ever need..

But i did in the end

with spears in my chest

I cannot comprehend why i did that

even though i said, its not possible to be happy just to see her happy

but for some odd reason, i tried that

maybe that explains why i'm so agonized

maybe thats why, i'm no longer needed

maybe thats how, i'll be gone from your life..

I can't be sure for now, but i really think i like you...

I'm really trying to forget the past, maybe it isn't so much about mine..

Maybe its yours that the cards were saying..

Perhaps its me standing at your end of the road..

I like you, I really don't want to see you through the future hims... I want to be your only Him

I don't know how many of you are reading this but i'm going to write it out regardlessly..
Though i've said that i don't give two crap about it and i don't want to get sucked into it, i just want to say these, though i really want to, to all your face. I don't really know what will be the outcome of it, probably much caused awkwardness around me after that but seriously?? all for that??

Why the hell are you all giving each other problems, is it even interesting to crack your head for ideas on how to be sarcastic and throw torture to someone else? Or is wallowing in self pity going to help everything turn okay??

No No stay that way if you think its fun, we have at least minimum 2 shitty months together like this, coming to school becomes dreading to school, yea we'll all love it this way.. But if you're gonna do that, keep things to yourself if either side of you are so enjoying it, keep the fun to yourself, you can squeal in excitment but leave the rest of us out of it, this is a compromise if you're gonna continue, no one would wanna give a care for your acts and games, why would we want to take any sides when there isn't any to be taken..

Like seriously, what age are you all at? what kinda drastic thing that happen to cause these misery buisness? is it even necessary? I get it, you dun like each other, like burger king, have it your way.. then just stay the hell out of each other's way, you could put on a mask like you're enjoying all these rubbish why not just throw that away and put on a bag which cuts off communication unless necessary... what kind of life do you all want for the next 2 years, take things by your stride, its over then its over.. it happened get over it, no point finding measures or sulking to spoil everyone's mood unknowingly as you cringe out your POV which i can assure you, NOone really honestly want to see it, theres no use forcing your opinions upon others, yes we sympathise but no we don't need to and we see no want to...

Its really time to grow up and just stay the heck out of each other's way, is there really a need to go to such extend? if there is, go take each other by the throat and fight it out then cry out after that, at least you settle things equally, rather than some biasful crap that you all are spouting...

Really? should that really be of any concern? how chummy you were all together, smiling, cracking, laughing, joking, gossiping, sharing and now? all you are left with broken smiles, scribbled on memories and pictures to burn ...

Okay, i'm done with my piece, i've really come to the point that thinking that its not gonna be a happy life here, and to that point, i can just keep my nose in my own business and while you can have the epic world war 5 that skipped over the 2 other wars cos its so "EPIC"..

No you can not speak.. you can however go clear up the mess and straighten things out the way like humans would, not like some sinister miserable souls.. its over may i remind you, don't give me the scar bullshit, it wouldn't be a scar if you found treatment earlier..

Awkward? well i've lived through it, though i really don't want it to be the case but i rather have it as compared to 2 more years of these rubbish which would indirectly cause the bystanders harm, more than you could imagine...

I don't know anything, yes i don't.. but you don't either for you're clouded in your own egos....

I don't wanna change our relationships and perceptions but i'm just really hopeful that you all could see my view above yours... Sorry if i went overboard, but i'm stating my facts..

And lastly, bystanders, sometimes its better to shush up than to open that mouth, its really not helping..

Whats cliques, classes and friends anymore?

A shadow was all i ever were.. A shadow never to reach..

I don't know if i should be in a great mood or should i be in a terrible mood..

it was terrible to feel your pain, to see you feel pain for his pain..

I'm unable to reach out, i've to hold back, so much that the sword turned upon me instead..

Everytime you're here or you're there, the cut enlarges bit by bit

Yet, you told me i'm just virtually capable, not a nuisance

you begun to start pouring your soul to me

and i've had that few hours with you...

Maybe i'm the one you've been looking for?

Am i really that boring?
Am i really that incommunicapable?
Am i really that useless?
Am i really that awkward?

I do try too, i try to talk to you..
i make things out of nothing
but regardless, you can't feel
You ignore everything

I put off everything as i grit the teeth
with an enter to send my message that hung on too long
but all that i do is gone with your one word heave
then i drown myself, self pitying in song

How much do you even see of me
my existence is pretty futile
as nothing i do i can't be who you want him to be
my sweat to you, so cold and vile

Chapter one ended like that
Chapter two wasn't any better
the pain just fueled on a tad by a tad
would it again end just by a letter?

I chew and bite on the heart
it bled and fed the sorrow
with each day we slowly part
no more clue if theres any more tomorrow

I'm trying despite being tired of trying
I'm deciding despite being confused
I'm trying despite supposed to let go
I'm deciding despite i said i don't care
I'm ignoring yet my actions don't tally

Why does it feel so right yet you always left?

The tears dripped into a puddle, yet all you see is the clear blue sky...
I thought it had all dried up, yet none of the previous was for you...
How many more puddle would i have to form, to end this cycle of misery...
Say its a habit i adapt, but there isn't a rehabitation for it...
I want to tell you forget him, so you could see me in your eyes...
Then i see how you and him collide, and I hear how you talk about him...
All the false hope collapse instantly, only to build up a few days later...
I'm no longer able to taste the sweet, as i find bitterness in my happiness...
The sour jealousy stacked up, tipping over with reality in time
I could be so much better, so much better with you...
But you might do so much better, so much better with him...

Could you tell the story? He reaches out for help in the light, yet his arms grew weak and he flipped over his body, staring at the moon, he then instigate to reach out for help only to lose strength...

Run for My Lunch in short, RML

Okays, we stayed over in school during saturday, not that i had any sleep

Kenny,Iris,Pamela,Shareena,Alicia,Cheryl,Ivy

After the briefing and lots of carrying boxes around,

We spent time playing around with cards which made our stomach all wobbly from the laughing during the Theme Poker which is a kinda new game i've been taught by Ms NA...

Then we spent another half of our stay on the field as we lay down and try to capture stars, staring at the moon and snapping shots of randomness, trying to get great shots that mesmerize.

Then we reached EastCoastPark at 4:30am, briefed and then pushed 6tables and 2 sets of cone in an unstable trolley for about 2.4km to our destination where we set up our water point~~

So after lots of Air Microphone Singing with the newwaterbottle which got alot of stares from the general public, we started preparing the drink and started to promote Plain Water and 7UP REVIVE!! Fooled around the entire day while accomplishing our job...

I'm a Certified Coolie now after this event....

and there we have what i wanted to post.... i think the insufficient sleep is making this a boring post so i shall shush and then shish

I really find that you don't need me

neither do you want me

its kind of like we are world apart

distant enough for us to be confused

But only if it could all just work out

Then maybe you and i could be in love

I might wanna work at Domino Pizza or Donut Empire...

I really hate to see you on facebook now

Theres evidence of you and him

Yes i'm a jealous guy but i can't stop it

It just proves my invisibility even more..